At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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