Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
