Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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