whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
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halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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