she woke up with a sticky ear
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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