Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
