you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
