perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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