i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
