My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
