When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
