I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
