You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
