So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
