may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
