So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
