Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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