Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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