so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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