haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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