watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
