I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
