were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
