that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
