idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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