my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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