i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
