WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
