i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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