do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
