dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
