I hate your face
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
