At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize