We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
