sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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