i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
