I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Shame is for Republicans.
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