we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
3 2 1 whiskey
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
