there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
