Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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