I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
