drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
