Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
