my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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