The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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