I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
