Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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