I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
