I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
