the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
