Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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