I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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