Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
