I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
