Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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