I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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