TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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