90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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