Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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