Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
