I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
