You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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