Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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