Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
