you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
