this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
