Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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