Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
