i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
