im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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