Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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