I feel like abortions should bother me more
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
