also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
