no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
