one two three fourrrrnication!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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