i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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