I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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