The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
