Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
